Zell's Quest for Love
by Falkyn
Summary: Zell doesn't have a girlfriend, and it's getting to him. Luckily, Selphie and Rinoa have a plan. One that Squall and Irvine have no interest in being a part of. However, that's not going to happen. Just read and review.
1. How it Began

A/N: And it's me again! The title of this story is pretty self-explanatory. Hey! That rhymed! Cool! So… ON TO THE STORY! (Don't you just love Caps-lock?)

Disclaimer: Can't forget this boring little tidbit, or else I'd be sued. Not that it would matter, because I only have annoying little siblings. Actually, on that note, I'll just leave the disclaimer out. I won't say that I don't own Final Fantasy VIII, which I don't. Go ahead, justice system! Do your worst! (Or your best, it doesn't really matter.)

Zell impatiently hopped from foot to foot as he tried to ignore the fiasco that was happening behind him. Nothing was going to stop him today. He was almost to the front of the line, and it looked like there were still a few hotdogs left.

"Hey, Zell! How close are we to the front?" Irvine asked from behind him.

"We're almost there, and if you took you took your eyes off of Selphie's breasts every once in a while, you would know that," Zell replied patiently, not taking his eyes off the front of the line.

"Ooh, harsh," Irvine replied as he hugged his girlfriend to him. "You know, maybe if you got a girl of your own, you wouldn't be so annoyed by this," he continued, indicating the two couples in line behind Zell.

"Shut up Irvine," Zell responded, turning around. "Maybe if you weren't a womanizing cowboy wannabe who flirted with every chick he laid his eyes on, I would have a girlfriend."

"Maybe if you got to them first, he wouldn't have to flirt with them," Rinoa said, taking her arms from around Squall's neck so she could look at Zell. Fed up with his friends, Zell turned around to face the front of the line again. He gawked when he realized that they were at the back of the line again. And he was so sure he was going to get a hotdog today. There was no way he was going to get one now.

Depressed, he went to their usual table to sit down, without food. Concerned, his friends followed him.

"You know," he said. "If you guys weren't always so lovey-dovey in the lunch line, we might actually get some hotdogs every once in a while."

"If you spent half as much time chasing girls as you do obsessing over those hotdogs, you'd have had a girlfriend last January," Squall said. In response, Zell picked up the nearest small object, (a fork), and chucked it at Squall, who dodged it easily.

"Face it Zell," Irvine said, sitting down next to his best friend. "You need a girlfriend."

"What makes you say that?" Zell asked sarcastically.

"To put it frankly, you're a loser." Zell fervently wished he had put that fork to better use. "I mean, you couldn't even get a girl's phone number, let alone a date."

"I can too!" Zell burst out.

"Prove it," came the simple reply. Quickly, Irvine scanned the cafeteria for potential hits. "That one," he said, picking out a target. Zell followed his friend's pointing finger to a blonde girl sitting with two of her friends across the lunchroom. Zell nodded and slowly walked over to her. "2000 gil says you don't get it!" Irvine called after him.

"Um… hi," he said awkwardly when he reached her table. "My name is um, Zell and I was um, kind of… Oh screw it! My friend has bet me 2000 gil that I can't get a girl's phone number. If you just give it to me, I'll give you half of it afterwards. Please?"

The girl stared at him for a while, then burst out laughing. Even more depressed than before, Zell walked back to his table, sat down, and put his head in his hands. "I'm so pathetic," he said. Irvine, however, could not respond, as he was too busy laughing. Selphie punched him on the arm.

"You're such a jerk, Irvine! You're best friend needs help, and all you can do is laugh at him!" Turning to Zell, she softened. "Don't worry Zell. Rinoa and I will help you get a girlfriend, and I'm sure Irvine will be happy to help too. Won't you, Irvine?"

Irvine turned pale at the cold look his girlfriend gave him. He then proceeded to do the only thing he could do at this point and nodded, terrified. Satisfied, Selphie turned to Squall.

"Will you help, too?" she asked him.

"Whatever," was all she got in response. Taking that to mean a yes, Selphie started bouncing on her toes, excited.

"Don't you worry Zell, we'll get you a girl! Just you wait and see! Meet us at the Quad at seven o'clock tomorrow morning, and we'll get started! See you then!" the perky girl said enthusiastically before running off.

Worried, Zell looked over at Irvine.

"Exactly how much coffee did you let her have this morning?"

End A/N: Yes! It rocked! I so totally put the phat in awesome! Yes, I know there's no phat in awesome. That's only because people haven't acknowledged that I put there yet. Curse you Webster's Dictionary People! Curse you and your dogmatic spelling/defining system! It's no longer 'awesome'; it's 'awephatsome'! (Author stops and realizes he is shouting at an empty sky.) Oh, feh! Go ahead, feel free to call me crazy. I don't mind. No, really, I don't. Watch, I'll show you I don't care. I'll call myself crazy. Hey! I'm crazy! I'm so crazy, that I'm actually krazy! Wait, that statement made no sense. How can misspelling the word crazy make something crazier? I'll think on that and get back to you. Later.


	2. At the Quad

A/N: Hey! It's me again! Just thought I'd write the first chapter 'cause I'm bored and can't sleep. Story of my life. That phrase just reminded me of a funny story a friend of mine told me about one of his days at work. I'll save that for after the chapter. Read on.

Zell awoke to the incessant beeping sound of his alarm clock. Groggily, he reached out and began searching for the snooze button.

"Sleep. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep you infernal contraption!" Failing to find the object of his hunt, he settled for the next best thing and threw the alarm clock against the wall. Unfortunately, it didn't break and continued to beep, oblivious to the enraged Zell.

Sighing heavily, Zell stood up and began to sort through the mess he called a room for clean clothes. After dressing, he checked the alarm clock to see what time it was.

"Oh crap!" he shouted. "I'm almost an hour late! Selphie's going to kill me!" Frantically, Zell began tearing his room apart, looking for shoes. When he found them, he stuffed his feet into them, then tore out of his room without bothering to tie them.

As he was turning the corner into the main hallway of the Garden, he tripped over his shoelace, hit the barrier, and fell into the water. Sopping wet, he emerged to the hysterics of his classmates. When Zell tried to climb back over the barrier, his wet fingers slipped on the glass panels, and he fell back into the fountain. Blushing, he stood back up and attempted to grab onto the barrier. Again, he almost slipped. However, just before he fell again, a strong arm grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him back over. Stammering his thanks, Zell looked up into the grinning face of his best friend.

"Gee, if you wanted to go swimming instead of meeting us, all you had to do was say so," Irvine said in greeting, offering his long coat to be used as a towel..

"Why does you're girlfriend have to be such an early riser? If it weren't for her, I wouldn't be soaking wet right now," Zell responded. "What are you doing here, anyway?"

"Selphie sent me to find you. Oh, by the way, don't worry. She's not mad that you slept in. Squall and Rinoa aren't even awake yet."

"That still doesn't answer my first question."

"She's just full of energy."

"I guess it's because she doesn't waste her sleeping time on you." Zell said smugly, handing the soaking coat back to his friend before heading off for the Quad. Stunned at the unexpected insult, Irvine stood rooted to the spot for a second, then began to chase Zell. Right before they reached the Quad entrance, Zell stopped, stepped out of the way, and tripped Irvine so that he went over the barrier and into the water.

"What was that for?" Irvine said, wiping the water from his face.

"For all those insults you threw at me yesterday," Zell answered. Laughing, he turned to go into the Quad, only to run into Selphie.

"You're late," she said huffily, folding her arms across her chest.

"Um, yes. Sorry. I just don't usually get up this early in the morning," Zell said apologetically.

"Why not?"

"That might be because it's TOO FRIGGIN' EARLY!"

"You do make a convincing argument. However, Rinoa and Squall are finally here, so we can begin now." Zell turned around and came face to face with Squall, who was looking none too happy at being forced to wake up this early.

"Hi!" Rinoa said in a bubbly manner that should not have been possible at such an ungodly hour in the morning.

"How is it that girls are always so freaking cheerful?" Zell asked Squall, who shrugged in response.

"Well now that we're all here, let's brainstorm. What's the best way to get Zell hooked up with a girl?" Selphie said.

"I think we should set him up on blind dates. That always works on T.V. shows," Rinoa answered. When the guys remained silent, the two women turned to see what the matter was. Irvine and Zell had fallen asleep, and Squall was just being his normal stoic self.

"WHAT DO YOU THINK OF GOING ON BLIND DATES, ZELL?" Selphie screamed in his ear.

Zell lifted his head groggily and answered, "I'll take twenty hotdogs." His head then fell back onto his chest and the sleepy victim of unfortunate circumstance continued snoring.

"It's settled then. Tomorrow, Zell goes on his first blind date. The four of us will each pick out a girl for him and we'll see how things work out," Rinoa bubbled with enthusiasm. "I'll pick first!" The two girls then headed to the cafeteria with Squall in tow, leaving the other two SeeDs asleep on the floor as they conspired as to where they should send Zell on his first date.

End A/N: I know, not original, but I'm running on no hours of sleep. LEAVE ME BE! Hey! My computer beeps when I press the Caps Lock button! FRICKIN' SWEET! I am so easily amused. CAPS LOCK. caps lock. CAPS LOCK. caps lock. HIGH BEEP. low beep. HIGH BEEP. low beep. Sorry. Got distracted. BEEP. beep. Sorry, won't happen again… BEEP. Oh, wait! I was supposed to tell you a story. My friend was at his work, a fast food place, the name of which I am withholding. Anyways, the pants he had to wear for his uniform were too big, so he borrowed a belt from a coworker of his. When he put the belt on he said, "Thanks. I was having trouble keeping my pants on. Story of my life." When I heard this, I burst out laughing. Sorry. Just thought that was amusing. But not nearly as amusing as BEEP beep BEEP beep BEEP beep. Okay. Seriously. I'm done now.

BEEP.


End file.
